Well, I Believe

I haven't done one of these in awhile and frankly I have just been lucky and had a few really fun weeks that have made me believe, again.  So for all you fans out there... here's what I believe in today.  Blog features extended releases of "I Believe Statements"

Well, I believe in laughing so hard it hurts.

In family, in grape koolaid, and beautiful blue eyes. 

I believe that Nordstrom's truly has the best customer service and

that you can always find what you need there. 

I believe in staying in touch with friends and taking the time to call. 

I believe in butterflies and I know it isn't indigestion.

I believe in John 3:16 and Phillipians 4:13.

I believe in the power of friendships, the comfort in old ones and the energy and discovery of new ones. 

I still really believe in that breathless moment right before you kiss

and that holding hands in the most sincere form of romance. 

I believe I have been blessed. 

I believe in laughing at yourself, better yet,

laughing at yourself with a good friend that gets the joke.

I believe that men should still hold doors and

the guy that does the half stand thing when a woman leaves the table that its totally hot. 

I believe in soul mates.

I believe in Will Muschamp.

I believe Kathy is going to be a beautiful bride on Saturday. 

And I believe that despite it all, we are each made

better, stronger, more attractive, more interesting by the people who come in and out of our lives. 

Thanks for being in mine.

I Still Need to Talk About This.

If you've been wondering - yes, I went to boot camp again last night.  And do you know what happened?  It poured down rain.  I was so excited.  In the middle of my walking (instead of jogging) to a lightpost or something, it started to rain.  I was thrilled, ready to head back to the car.  Guess what?  That didn't happen.

This morning when my alarm went off... I slowly opened my eyes to greet the day.  Then I started to sit up.  But I couldn't.  The muscles in my stomach had stopped working.  So then I tried to sit up using my arms.  But I couldn't.  The muscles in my arms had stopped working.  So I rolled off the bed.  I am assuming that the thud scared the shit out of the people that live below me.  None of this is a lie.  None of this is exaggerated. 

I will live.  I don't think this boot camp will kill me, at least I hope it won't.  I hope I heal before Kathy's wedding.  I don't think she'll be pleased if I have to be wheeled or assisted up the aisle. 

And yesterday, my entry was dedicated to my friend Matthew that leads the boot camp.  I was a little bit hateful.  I blame him for my inability to move.  But you know what?  Last night he was encouraging and not that mean, he wasn't actually ever mean... just his exercises.  And he wouldn't let me stop... which was totally annoying at the time... but now its kind of appreciated.  Can you imagine actually being a nice enough person to listen to me bitch and argue with you  for an entire hour, while your running and jumping, in the rain? I assure you there is not even a single member of my family that would have endured that kind of torture.  And yet he did.

Furthermore, he solved a really big puzzle the other day. He has figured out how to get me marathon ready.  Here is his plan... put a man in a seersucker suit in front of me that I have to chase, put a man with a knife behind me that I have to run away from, and tell me to run to the building with really great air conditioning.  Are you kidding?  Matthew, you totally get me.

Kids, with this plan... I should be Prefontaine by New Years!

Editors Note:  If you don't know about me and seersucker suits, just wait awhile - I know they'll be a blog topic soon.  Just know that there is something about a man in a blue seersucker suit.  Yeah, there is just something.  Phhh..

Why I Would Never Join the Army (dedicated to Matthew Goldsby)

I promised myself I wasn't going to write about this.  I wasn't going to give Matthew Goldsby the satisfaction of knowing that he'd won.  But ladies and gentlemen as the day has worn on I find that every single one of my thoughts is focused on the fact that every single muscle in my body hurts.

Yesterday, I lost my mind and participated in a boot camp.  My chipper little mind that wants me to have a healthy heart and eliminate the food baby says "yay you... you should do this all the time".  The rest of me thinks I am an idiot. 

So my question for the cosmic void today is "Why in God's name would I need the same exercises as a soldier to be a fundraiser for the American Heart Association?"  The answer is "I DON'T"  I am trying NOT to let people die.  Soldiers kill people.  We are opposites.  I don't need a boot camp.  Actually, wait I already went to a two day boot camp for the Heart Association.  I sat in a room for two days with sandwiches and cookies ... and I listened.  I actively listened to a whole bunch of shit about cardio vascular disease.  And I wasn't sore when it was all over.

I was just in a meeting and literally got confused and said the wrong thing.  Do you know why?  Cause I was thinking about the calluses on the palms of my hands and how they hurt but that I couldn't look at them since it would hurt too much to actually turn my hand over.  Yeah, you heard me.  Even my wrists hurt.

First of all, I now hate the term "on the hop"  If anyone ever says that to me and expects me to run.  I will cut them.

Second, I don't like push ups.  If I fall face down and have to get up -someone should help me.  I should not be expected to get myself up.  Ergo, I don't need to do push ups.  To use my new favorite saying "Push Ups can blow me"

Third, Jumping Jacks seem innocent.  Matthew even called them easy.  My ass.  Jumping Jacks are evil.  They are the worst kind of evil.  They are a sneaky evil.  You think that they are all friendly with their cute name.  But today at 1:43 pm... I CAN'T MOVE MY ARMS. If what I have to say wasn't so important... I promise you I would not be typing.

Fourth, you guys know me.  What the hell was I thinking participating in an activity where RUNNING was considered the break.

Fifth, squats are assholes.

But God help me, I packed a change of clothes to go again tonight.  If anyone is available to wash my hair and dress me tomorrow - that would be great cause I am 100% sure that I will not be able to do it.

Things I Learned at Church Camp

Do you remember that book "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten"  well I think I just had one of those weekends.  Apparently all I need to know I learned at church camp.  Again, stop laughing... yes I went to church camp, and no, the camp didn't burn down. 

But I learned a lot of interesting things, I won't share my spirtual enlightenments yet... those are still marinating but here you go, these are the things I learned at church camp.

Note:  These might only be funny if you were there.

1. Grill marks on chicken are almost as important as it being cooked all the way.
2. I can cook baked beans.
3. Apparently people don't wear pigtails anymore.  Except me.
4. 7 am bootcamp is not for me. And if you participate, someone else will need to blow dry your hair later because you'll be unable to raise your arms above your shoulders.
5. That I've made some truly extraordinary friends here in Houston.  They are beautiful, giving, kind, and for some reason genuinely like me.  The gods have shined on me yet again.
6. I can fill glasses with ice like its nobody's business.  This I already knew since its the only thing my mom lets me do at Christmas dinner but it was reaffirmed this weekend. 
7. That I made some truly extraordinary new friends at church camp.  And I cannot wait to get to know them better. 
8. I love it when someone laughs so hard that they cry.  I think when you make someone laugh like that, it must be what scoring a touchdown feels like.
9. Evidently, you can say anything you want to me.  Yell at me.  Lecture me.  Anything as long as you end it with a "Sher-Bear" and I will be totally fine with it.
10. That maybe I should have saved my shower caddy from the Scottish Rite Dorm. 
11. That when bathrooms are not attached to your cabin.... and its 3 am...I really wished I was a guy. 
12. Sometimes that most rewarding times come from something that you didn't want to do in the first place.
13. Tammie Mallioux can rebut any excuse you provide to her for not doing something.  She's actually better than my mother at this.
14. Did you know there is something called a "squat thrust"?  I think it was invented by the devil.
15. The fastest way to make friends is to help in the kitchen. 
16. Potato Salad can freeze. 
17. This one is going to shock you all, but I learned that sometimes stopping and sitting by a lake with friends is better than watching a Texas football game.  I mean, come on, it was UTEP.  The score was 60-7.  Its not like I am not still a fan.I
18. I learned that the Big 5 are:  Elephants, Lions, Rhinoceraceous (sp?), Cape Buffalo and Leopard.  If you guessed Polar Bears, you would be wrong.  Additionally, you would be put in time out for frivilous answers and not really trying.  You should use that time to reflect, not do your nails.  I did not do this correctly.
19. I look totally hot when photographed with shotguns.  If I had known this before there would be a 410 in every picture of me.
20. Church camp poker can get ugly.

But the best thing I learned at church camp was that I still find singing all six verses of Amazing Grace healing.  I didn't know I needed healing, but I think we are all a little bit broken and stopping to sing Amazing Grace helps put us back together, at least for a little while.

Sherry the Duck

There is a small part of me that thinks I should be a little bit embarassed to tell this story. But when I think about it, well, frankly, its makes me laugh.

Picture it Cedar Creek Lake, a couple of weeks ago

(bonus points to whomever gets that old school TV show reference)

We've anchored the pontoon boat in a lovely cove. There is another story here about how Al Sharpton watched us from a house on shore, but I'll save that for another time or let Margaret tell it - its her story, really. Anyway, back to all the girls floating in the lake. So I've got the pool saddle on and everyone else has their life jackets in the water and using them as seats. A few girls stayed on the boat.

Some background, I had mixed grape vodka with grape koolaid in a water bottle. It might be the elixir of the gods.

Holly is on the boat and gets out the chips and french onion dip. If you know me, you know french onion dip. So I paddle over to the side of the boat. Grab hold of the side with my floatie still attached and look up expectantly at Holly.

And the next thing is why she is one of my BFFs. She carefully dips the Baked Lays Ruffles Chip in the dip... creating the perfect scoop. She carefully reaches over the side rail of the boat.

I bob up and grab the perfect chip in my mouth.

Bob, Dip and Repeat.

Let me recap... lake, sun, pool saddle, vodka drink, chips and french onion dip.

It might have been the perfect Saturday afternoon.

USA

No, this is not a patriotic blog entry. This, my friends is an ode to USA network: Home of the Law and Order and NCIS marathons. Thank you, USA programmers, for back to back episodes. Most of which I have seen many, many times. And yet, I cannot tear myself away from it. Benson and Stabler are like my closest friends. And someone please tell me that eventually DiNozzo and Ziva get it on?


My mom, she likes Lifetime. Don't get me wrong I love a 6 hour movie about a woman killing her husband that beats her while falling in love with the police man who is investigating the mysterious disappearance of said husband as much as the next girl. But it just doesn't compare to the back to back episodes of NCIS, Law and Order: SVU, Law and Order: Criminal Intent and early morning episodes of JAG.

Is there anything better than Vincent D'Nofrio at the end of Law and Order: CI... I mean seriously, that dude knows EVERYTHING. He is the Doogie Howser of the NYPD.

And I know that some of you out there are screaming, "Wait, what about the History Channel?" The History Channel can blow me. Please, the last time I watched it all it talked about was Nostradamus and the fact that the world is ending on December 21, 2012. Like I need more doom and gloom in my life. If I want to be depressed, I'll just look at my ass or the crow's feet developing around my eyes.

Consider this my notice that when I don't meet you at the park to walk, miss dinner or don’t answer your call. You can bet your sweet ass that its cause there is some kind of marathon on USA.

So, thank you, USA programmers for knowing exactly what I need and giving it to me, repeatedly.

Its Not You, Its Me...

Have you ever just wanted something really, really bad?  Not like a dress or a car. Nothing materialistic.  But have you just prayed and hoped for something.  Known that it was the right thing.  But the world and the Lord was taking his sweet time making it all happen and all come together. 

And as times goes by - you start to doubt?  Doubt yourself?  Doubt that it was really God's plan, I mean do you ever really know?  Is it the right thing?  Have I done enough?  If its God's will...shouldn't He take the lead or was I supposed to be doing a bunch of stuff, too?

And then as more time goes by, you start to wonder...did I do something wrong?  Have I made this plan vear off course?  Maybe it was just too great a thing for me.  Maybe I don't deserve such goodness.  Maybe something's wrong with me?

So I guess today you get my doubting Thomas blog... I woke up early this morning and couldn't fall back to sleep.  I was plagued with thoughts of things that I want to happen, things I've prayed about, and things I think are good and are God's will... but are just not happening fast enough.

So, I guess the question for the cosmic void out there is... once you finally accept God's plan .... how do you accept his timeline?