I cried the entire way. I played sad songs about goodbye until Centerville and then I switched to upbeat songs about making a new start. But I still cried the whole time. I unpacked, unloaded and moved in to Kathy's guest room. Then I went to Madonna, because every new start should start with at least a Madonna song.
I was so scared. Scared that I wouldn't be any good in another career, scared that I wouldn't make friends, scared that I miss my old life so much.
One of my friends Stephanie asked me on Friday how I've changed in the past year. When I really started thinking about it, the change in me has been profound. Some changes are small, like I have shorter hair and wear higher heels. Some are big, like I am happier more than I am sad and that I try every day to keep Christ as my focus (somedays are better than others).
But the biggest change in me in the past year isn't about geography. I think its how I relate to other people. Don't get me wrong, its still very much about me and I still very much love to be the center of attention. I am just much more open to meeting and getting to know others. But I am no longer defining my worth by what others think of me. Instead I am finding joy in how they respond to me and in how those relationships grow and change.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start today to make a new ending"
How true is that? I cannot go back and change the mistakes I've made or the experiences I've had... but a year ago I started to shape a new ending and I feel like the story is just now starting to get good. So to each of you that have been a part of my journey this past year - thank you. Thank you for accepting me as I am, embracing my eccentricities, tolerating my idiosyncrasies, laughing with me, crying with me, participating in all my new hobbies, listening to my doubts and fears, and most of all celebrating all the extraordinarory moments of the past year with me.
You'll never know how very much it has meant to me.
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