Silent Night

There is a stillness, a peaceful quiet that happens as Christmas comes to a close.  The roads are less traveled, the store fronts are closed, the phone rings less and the email bing is silent.  This year, I noticed the stillness more than I have in the past...and I reveled in it.

The excitement and energy of Christmas morning has waned into a shared sofa with my mother and Fa La La La Lifetime.  I truly can't imagine a better day... a day spent with family and loved ones.

I've already made my list of people to see and stores to visit tomorrow and I know that this quiet won't last much longer.  But it got me to thinking.  To thinking about the peace that comes on Christmas; God's simple way of making me pause and take stock of all the wonderful gifts in my life.  More so today than any other day I recognize the beauty in my world - the surprise White Christmas, the laughter through tears at the Christmas dinner table, the longing for friends, the bittersweet memories of Christmas's with my dad and grandparents, the special hope for Christmas's future and the pure joy of knowing that today is different.

So today, I'll not send a message to the cosmic void, but I'll send a message to each of you.  Today I won't send my questions, worries or woes.  Today I wish you each the peace of knowing Christ's love and the warmth of your families loving embrace.

When I was little I would read the following passage outloud on Christmas Eve to my family, from Luke.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."


Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

Merry Christmas.

Well, I Believe... for Christmas

'Tis the season for sorts of wonderful things including a list of all the things I believe in for Christmas. 

Well, I believe in advent calendars.  Misteltoe, trains and nativity scenes.  I believe in sending cards and getting cards.  I believe the "from" on the tag should always say Santa. 

Well, I believe in the Christmas candles from "The Market".  Lights on the house, glitter and Christmas China. I believe in reading the Christmas story from Luke on Christmas Eve. And I believe in re-reading a "Christmas Carol" so I know all the buildings in my mom's Dicken's Village.

Well, I believe in opening your presents Christmas morning instead of Christmas Eve.  Christmas pajamas, wreaths and bows.  I believe in having cinnamon rolls and coffee on Christmas morning and I believe in stockings that are loaded down with goods.

Well, I believe my mom's traditions are the right ones.  Big bows, pretty paper and white twinkle lights.  I believe in the candlelight service on Christmas Eve.  I believe in singing Christmas carols as loud as possible. And saying "Merry Christmas" even to complete strangers.

And well, frankly, I believe in the Christmas spirit.

Season's Change

I have told you guys why I love football.  I provided you with detailed information on my love of the game.  I am a little sad that the season is coming to a close... soon the bowl games will be played ... I'll have to resort to watching pro football and the playoffs.

The joy that gets me through this... well, its the next season that is coming.  That's right... AWARD SHOW SEASON!

I ell oh vee ee, love it.  The Golden Globes are January 17.  Its my season opener.  And yes, just like football season... I throw watch parties.  I make you wear a formal, there is betting and by God... you don't talk during the presentations.  I mean you talk all you want during technical presentations.  But if you talk during Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting.... you get the idea... if you think you'll need to talk during those - don't bother coming over.

Now starts my season of going to the movies every Sunday morning to see all the nominated movies.  Now starts the detailed debates with Marla, Carolyn and Karen.  The debates over movies in Carolyn's kitchen over a bowl of queso and an daquiri.

The Academy Awards ... March 7.  Some jackasses are going to want to watch basketball.  That's for pansies.  This is serious competition and the stakes are high. 

Though I will admit two things.  I am not nearly as loyal to my pick for movie of the year as I am to the Texas Longhorns.  And I am pretty sure that Twilight and New Moon aren't going to get any nominations... unless Jacob gets one for most improved abs.  That's a vote I think we can all agree on.

Well, I DON'T Believe...

Here's the deal.  I have figured out something big that I just don't believe in. 

Sick feelings in the pit of your stomach.

I've had one for the better part of a month and its starting to piss me off.  And you know what? I am not alone.  I asked around.  Other people have this affliction, too.  It's so freaking annoying.  You know that feeling of just impending doom...

worry about what people think of you
what they are going to think of your work
how your meeting is going to go
if the Christmas tree is just a little crooked
if you remembered to unplug your straightener
if that police man going to notice your expired registration
is he going to call
can everyone see that pimple on my forehead
is your cooking any good or are people just being nice
do I have food in my teeth
should I have said that
what did she/he/it mean when they said.....
are my feet going to hurt in these shoes
what are the manicure/pedicure women saying about you when they are talking so fast
what are people going to think of me
are their parents going to like me
is that spelled correctly
is there really a serial killer after me
what will they think of my blog
why won't he/she/it hold my hand
can people see my gray hairs
is this all there is

That damn feeling, the sick sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.  I think mine's busted.  Seriously, I think its freaking broke cause it just won't go away.  It's a total a-hole.  So, tonight, I am trying to send all these worries and woes out to the cosmic void.  In the hopes that this asshole feeling goes away for the holidays.  Oh, and that it leaves my friends alone, too.

It's All About Me

I hit a bumpy patch in the road recently and filled up to brim with doubt.  I asked a good friend to help me remember what motivates and drives me.   

I would like to encourage each of you to take a minute and ask someone you trust to tell you what they think drives you.  For me, this has been a liberating experience and its completely turned my perspective around.

And I love that I get to take my self indulgence to new heights by publishing it on my blog.

This is her response.

You like to be needed and provide solutions for people so long as you have a team of people working for you and so long as you have power/control and are driving the train. You don't enjoy solely providing... you like to lead and make decisions. You don't like to be the smartest person in the room when you don't have control.

You are also motivated by very smart people in powerful positions who look to you for your point of view. You are often surprised by your ability to deliver on this. This isn't unusual but is worth noting. You like finding things that don't work and then revamping how it's done so it makes sense. You like perks that enable you to do and experience "exclusive" and "VIP" opportunities and you like to be able to provide those same "perks" to people you like.  Someone gets on your shit list, their done. No looking back. No 2nd chances. Their dead to you. But you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know and once you like someone and know their story, you will do whatever it takes to support them, make them laugh, fight for them, take time for them, travel thousands of miles to be at their wedding in the Bahamas, etc. And ideally, those kinds of relationships are not exclusive to your personal life - in fact, you like to have your personal and professional lives mesh in that regard.




You love the funny. You LOVE telling funny stories and you often times tell them multiple times in a day. You really love being the center of attention and have been known to increase the volume of your voice so that your presence is known to all those sitting/standing/walking within a 100 yard radius. You are competitive but you enjoy helping others succeed and you are very good at helping them do so. You have a horrible singing voice. It must be stopped. But you will be heard anyway...your favorite people are those that think your horrible singing is hilarious. I am one of those people.


 

Hope's a Bitch, but I can't break up with her...

Hope is a total bitch.  I wish Hope was my friend.  I wish Hope was actually some girl I know instead of this nagging, irritating, constant emotion inside me.

I am that girl, the one that is always hoping.  Believing in people, believing that the best it about to happen.  And frankly, it makes me a nervous wreck.  I am the red headed chick from "He's Just Not That Into You"... constantly hoping, trusting, and making an ass out of myself.

I quote a lot of movies on this delicious blog, well, simply because I love them.  So here's another one that I love ... its from "He's Just Not That Into You"... its Gigi, the red head, the hopeful one... its me.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending... But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own… Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

I gotta tell you.... I could have used this information when I was younger.  I cut my own bangs a lot and it was always disastrious.  The thing about this... is this.. doesn't it seem to apply to everything? Its not just about hoping for love.  I end everyday filled with hope and sure that tomorrow morning is the day that I will leap from my bed early and be ready to tackle the day.  Hopeful and trusting that I'll do something amazing, like cure a disease or invent a longer lasting lightbulb.  And every morning... I hit snooze for at least an hour and struggle to even get my simple tasks complete.
At work, I have a meeting and I get so excited because its the best meeting ever and I am sure they are going to give a million dollars to the Heart Association... and then it starts... the Hope.  I start to imagine all the wonderful things that we'll be able to do and I am so hopeful.  And most of the time, I have unreturned phone calls, some embarassment, misread signals ... but I keep hoping... through it all... until my heart gets broken.

Every January I am filled with hope ... hope that I will not hate swimsuit shopping that year, hope that I'll actually balance my checkbook, hope that I won't trip when walking (which I do often), hope that my Barista boyfriend will realize that he loves me... until none of it happens... and my heart starts to ache.

And frankly, cosmic void, as much as I hate the disappointment that so often follows hope. I can't shake the habit of being hopeful.  I can't stop dreaming big and expecting the best.  I can't help myself; the hope high is just too great.  And there is always, not matter how tiny, that chance for a happy ending. 

Right now, I am focused on on singular hope. I hope the Longhorns win the National Championship. I really do. I hope that there aren't mis-read signals, or embarassment. I'll keep hoping until January 7th and I'll keep wishing and I'll keep praying. And I am really, really hoping that they don't break my heart.

So I am going to keep on hoping, keep on riding the Hope high... because I am just not sure I'd appreciate things as much if they weren't the fulfillment of my hopes.  

The Great Christmas Debate

There are two kinds of Christmas people.  Christmas Vacationers and A Christmas Storiers. 

Except for my mother.  Big Sara is totally a Mircale on 34th Streeter.  She was very clear with me about this when I mentioned that I was struggling with how to really delve into this great Christmas Debate.

So here's my theory... everyone has a kind of Christmas habit... they'll either stop the channel flipping on Clark or Ralphie.  Both have brilliant lines, scenes and both mean different things to different people.

I think that the films speak to different people in different ways.  And I am concerned that I might be a middle of the road person.  I truly believe this is one of the best lines in a film ever....

"We're going to press on, and we're going to have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tapped danced with Danny fucking Kaye."

But I cannot contain myself when that kid can't move his arms, or he puts on the bunny pajamas, or the whole you'll shoot your eye out thing - I full out belly laugh... everytime.  All 12 times that TNT plays it on Christmas Day.

It might be a generational thing... I don't have the answers.  I don't know if anyone does.  I just know that this great divide exists and I wonder about it everytime the holidays roll around.  Can a Vacationer marry a Storier?  Could they find love amidst their differences?  Does this divide families?  What does it truly say about each of us? 

So today, I am sending these questions out to the cosmic void because I don't want to judge anyone for their Christmas movie choices.  I love each of you, no matter your choice.

But me, well, I think I am going to go watch "It's A Wonderful Life"

It's Been A Long December...

"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does, even for me."

Yeah, I just quoted New Moon. 

This year I feel like time has raced and suddenly it has slowed to a crawl.  My days pass slowly now matter how busy I am and I lie awake a night with thoughts racing.  Although a bit awkward and uncomfortable to admit, I totally get what Bella was saying.  This year lurched by and now all of a sudden its a dragging lull.

But I think I have figured out why.  I haven't sent my Christmas list to my mom and Elizabeth. For some reason, today, I felt like I should publish my Christmas list.  This way, if any of you are wondering what to get me for Christmas... you'll know.

Here it is, Ladies and Gentlemen, my 2009 Christmas list. These are presented in no particular order.

1. Edward  Cullen
2. Kitchen Aid Mixer (stainless steel)
3. 2010 Tahoe (tan, tan leather)
4. Brown cowboy boots with burnt orange tops from Nordstrom's (these are on hold under Sara Woodard at the Nordstrom's Galleria in Dallas)
5. Cross Necklace from Tiffany's in silver
6. Dish Towels from Williams Sonoma (red stripe)
7. US Weekly Subscription
8. Small Flat Screen TV for my bedroom
9. Rolling pin
10. Sieve
11. New Chanel Eyeshadow
12. Diorshow Blackout Mascara
13. Coco Chanel Perfume
14. One billion thread count sheets

I think that's pretty much it.  It's a simple list this year.